remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize