did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
