I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
