When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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