It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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