i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
