He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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