when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
