I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
