I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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