Cold hands, warm shart.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
