a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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