i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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