I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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