I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize