Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
