i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
