Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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