Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
