Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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