I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
