I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
