Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
