why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
