There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
my poor anus
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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