You're completely useless in the revolution.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
