Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
