I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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