I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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