Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
