I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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