It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
