I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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