So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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