Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
