Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
