One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize