My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
