yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
