She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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