she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
