we're chasing vodka with high fives
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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