Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i now understand why vodka
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
