in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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