I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
