u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
