You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
