i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
