i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My dick has a subreddit
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
