i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
