Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He better not be in your backpack
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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