You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
