I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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