you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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