Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
