you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
