I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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