OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
