I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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