Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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