you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize