I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
