just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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