this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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